Friday, April 07, 2006 @4:11 PM
haha. such a teenage-catchy poser song. but i used to like it. i think i still do sometimes for the cheesy lyrics. i really don't mind sch as in the cirricula, academics part. i think i've gotten very used to work after work after work. i am coping with it and i'm proud to say i'm so happy that i did all my tutorials.
but what i'm sick of and it's getting to my nerves more is the people.
there's this convo
bonnie: "wth! this hatred for them is what keeps me going?"
seeyun: "yeah i think so too. i'm getting really bitchy"
bonnie: "what if this hatred dies out. then there's nothing to drive me to work hard"
seeyun: "trust me, it will just keep growing"
it's not a pessimistic thought. it's a pragmatic thought. some certain people just make me so freaking irritated. i always say i'm not a righteous person and i really don't think i live to the title, but at least i'm brought up knowing what's right or wrong and what's being respectful and accomodating to other people's beliefs and orientation.
i used to think jolene was fine. i thought that she is cute and easygoing. but hella NO! she either changed or she had always been like that. it's more like acting cute or innocent for the sake of getting attention. and she accuses some classmates of whining/grumbling/boasting for attention but flirting/hitching up guys through acting all touchy and sweet and cute is infinity times worse. i used to think quite well of her, but now she makes me realized how innocent/dumb i was in the past when i saw this other side of her. and bonnie told me about that case during recess. i was FUMING!
please don't talk about how you love god and how godly a christian you are when what you do are definitely against your beliefs. we hear you but what you do are totally different. and actually this leads to not just one person in the class, but many of them. and it totally irks me. cos it's so hard to differentiate if they are nice or simply fake. i am not being sensitive or what. like say, pam, i of course know she is nice and ppl like amaria, she's real. but for the rest (you know who i'm referring to) i really cannot tell.
ah btw, its quite freaky to have random ppl calling me up when i didn't give my number out since 3 months ago. i really wonder how the 2nd-intakers get my number. then randoms will call me up and the easiest thing for me to do is to transfer them to the teachers. ha, i hate dealing with people who are so ignorant when we made an annoucement and i've a bloody notice board.
we were talking about socializing in school and it's gettin really tiresome. sigh. there are so much to think and do rather than sitting down to talk to new people or be nice to everyone. i'm trying to smile and make friends with the j1s but then it seems so hard cos they are so childish? i'm sure that's what the seniors thought of us but seriously, i think these j1s were hella lot worse than us last year.
i noe.. why bring this up again? cos today when i was trying to study in the library and it's meant to be a study hall kinda thing which obviously ppl keep their mouths shut and their ass to themselves. but there's this 4 j1s who were talking and laughing so bloody loudly. i glared at them and they still continue. i really wanna go up to them and say "fuck off to the vd if you wanna talk" but then i decided to keep my cool cos they are just not worth to be blacklisted by me. ha.
i'm starting to have this heck-care attitude. i know i've been bitching and of course, an eye meets an eye and the karma thing, i'll be bitched about somehow. but haha, i guess i've good bitching skills and EQ, so i don't think i've offended anyone really badly yet. call me two-faced. but i think that's how you have to deal with things. be neutral about people and then be horrid behind people's back, but be nice to friends. i treasure close friendship but i don't give a damn about aquantiances long as we acknowledge each other in sch.
i'm quite happy not only ppl in the class knows the pw to my blog. i would think only 3: jo, bonnie, aisyah. andre doesn't even know, but he chose not to know when i ask him if he wants to know okay! not my fault. lol. i kinda guessed once i've a pw, things i feel for the class will start pouring out and actually it's a good thing andre doesn't read this because he thinks that it's precisely why we dont' hang out with them that the class is so divided.
but i really do not think that's the case. i strongly believe in there are people that simply don't click even if you put them together in a close compound for two years. i strongly believe that it's the character thing. it's just like how cool-people have this radar on their head and they sense each other and how gays will know that you too are a gay. and if you don't have the radar, you just can't fit in.
and that's why our class is so different and it just happens to be this way. and i think most classes are split into two. just ask around. i'm sure there's no one class that is bonded as a class. we prolly are sensitive to each other but i am quite sure it's not the kind of close friendships that everyone forged with everyone in the class. it's just not possible. i can bet on that. ok, one will think that his/her class is very united because there's a majority of the class who can stand each other and you just happen to be in the majority, but what about those poor minority? do people actually make an effort to integrate them? or are they just not part of the class you are referring to? it's a phenomenon. it's a parallel to racial divides that happen all over the world, over centuries. from the burmese and the ethnic minorities, the black slaves and their white superiors to malays and chinese riots in 60s singapore and arborigines/whites/chinese in australia. we can minimize this split but can we truly solve it? think again.