ha, i realized how incoherent i was in my previous entry. well, it's a form of anguish release and after that entry, i felt more relaxed.

i am so touched when wendy sent me a sweet sms. *hugs* i can't wait for you to be back again. haha.. need our catching up sessions. when you come back, my terms should be over too. yay!

i have resolved to be a stay-home animal for the months to come. ok, if that ever works out. yes, i will *nod nod*

mdm said sth really funny the other day about our commonwealth essay. "how we write are so different from what we are in real life"

maybe i will post my essay up if it is short listed by the school. if not, it shall just remain confidential. i wrote "sweetest moment" which ha, was very different from all those heartwarming love stories. i just can't write romance. i'm a sucker for writing sweet stories, so i resolve to love watching chick flicks and listen to love songs that make me go soft in my knees.

Do you not realize that nagging don’t work anymore. Especially when I switched off whenever you start. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Stop being so uptight and anal and irritating. Fuck. What a chore. I’ve been studying. Goddamnit. So if I am being an irritating bitchy cow in school, it is not my fault. It is the fucking stress I faced at home. Shit. I hate this entry. I’m so bitter and I can’t stand it. I need a fucking life. I am not some dumb ass who doesn’t know that As are ‘coming’ and for that matter, I’m facing terms soon. But stop making terms seem like the end of the world. I cannot handle stress, so stop piling up the stupid stress on me. FUCK!

there's a limit on how much stress and anger i can contain in me.

i don't like exams. i don't like stress.

the horror of terms are haunting me. it is the last chance i have to prove to my dad that i can study and do well. so stress is piling to show some grades. i wish i have a bit more self-disciplined. i don't like myself.

my dad is not someone you want to fool with. my cousins always thought my mum was the scarier one until she stay with me for a week. so, when my dad flares up, i shiver

blah. angsty. bitterness building up.

on the lighter note, there was so much to worth OMG-ing yesterday. *bimbo*

zh got hospitalized cos of some concussion after being tripped during soccer. i thought it was quite freaky since he had some amnesia. i think i'll just cry and be so helpless if my friend faints in front of me.

then, there's other random stuff that i can't remember. short-term memory loss. damn it.

i want to go for arts night if not for my stupid econs tuition. but i cannot postpone it anymore cos i need help in J1 work. aish.

then i am not sure if i can go and watch night of laughter cos of interact in the morning till afternoon and not sure if my dad will be happy.

i'm like living for my dad. but i better keep it this way for the next 3 weeks or so, to make him pleased and show him that i have tried my best. "tried my best" the best excuse ever.

i mulu-ated myself today. i accidentally caused the fall of the class tags. ha. it was like class-tags committing suicide. but i swear it was an accident. then the new vp and some malay teacher glared and kinda scolded me. oh wellz. thank god i did not listen to jo and sat down. i faced the music and apologized. it was an accident. the class tags were sitting dangerously by the ledge.

FOR (Fun-o-rama) was a blast.

the games stall people were fantastic and i got to know many people better.. for the better or the worse. and i realized that i've been too ignorant or one-sided in the way i viewed my classmates or i've learnt that some people aren't that bad afterall.

i think our games stall is one of the stall that brought in the most profits amongst all others due to how we advertise despite being just around the bend whereby no one can see us from the entrance, and apparently, it was quite hard to find. but the games is addictive and you see how the little boys keep coming back just to knock king-kong down. my most-said phrase of the day "you can prizes if you knock king-kong and/or his friends down. the animals on the landscape and mountain are worth different points. would you like to play" super-soaker is bloody popular and bloody messy but bloody fun. haha. we get shot at a lot of times and we kept screaming and shouting. i think we are more high than the kids who played. we were like "shoot polar bear. it's very unstable.. come on.. shoot them all down.. shoot the soldier into the river"

and king kong is KNOCKABLE! i'm serious. this little 12 or 13 year old kid actually won the bike home. i was out slacking with bonnie and we came back.. the bike was GONE! i'm so upset i didn't got to see the highlight. such dampening spirits. and it's actually more fun to stay in the stall away from the sun. away from the rain. and away from the people. away from the food. i smell like chocolate every time i walked into the hub. you smell chocolate before you see it. it's scary. i think the food people are really sick of fondue. and i'm proud of my class boys who dress up as king-kong under the blazing sun. woah sam was like drenched in sweat when he came back. his whole shirt was soaked! but it definitely bring in the crowds. haha. and he was most successful when he really scared amaria. lol. and bobby the shorter version of king-kong but i'm surprised he actually agreed to do it.

ah, and friends who came to FOR. zh, gerrad, sheryl, debo. liz, did you come? you never call me:(
then my dear classmates who put in so much effort. amaria, andrea, andre, jo, bonnie, matt, bobby, sam, ruth. and moniza and pearlly and aisyah who helped us with the whole landscape and the point system when you guys are supp to be in food. then we have the people who are supp to be in games but i never see them doing their shifts coz they claim they are tired after helping out in the food. like WTHHH!!! ok, everything's over now and i dun really want to talk about them. they just left a very bad impression for the rest of the year and that's it about working together with them. zh said that our polo tee's design was nice. hmm, you haven't seen better. lol! i dun mind the design if it's a poster. not a tee. it's too rectangular due to the borders. but ah well, i've paid 14 dollars. but i think everyone was pretty amazed by our replica of the FOR shoes, which jo and aisyah were being such nice souls, helping us paint the whole of friday. it's not pretty pretty. but definitely worth the keep. i've so many FOR collectibles. it's quite..

we had a foursome (muahaha) dinner at swensens after all was over and well. we took the second-floor which was monopolized with acsians.. jun's friends on one and gen's class on the other. quite hilarious how we made so much noise. i think we were pretty noisy for four people cos we laugh damn loudly. but it was funny how bonnie does her imitation shows and amaria being as usual, sarcastic. but we toned down quite a bit and started talking about random classmates and the things we just don't like about it and how our class is so dis-united and we know there's nothing much we can do about it. think of it, we have matt, bobby and sam having their boys night-out cos we know there were some friction. luckily we din join them or we will feel constricted. then the food gang and food-game-wannabes doing their stunts at BK and us, in-betweens or others (so insulting) having great time at swensens. we were like "we need to spurge" and we did. haha. we just talked and i just realized how wrong i was about some people and i felt so guilty.

it's just like how when bonnie and jo stayed over on friday night and we had almost similar chats about the friends we had and the problems we face in class.. the social conflicts that we deal with. and how we realized that although matt can be a pain in the ass sometimes cos of his remarks, but he is actually very driven and will go all out to get things done and how he moves to and fro from food and games to see everything running efficiently and as well as the earn-money-by-taking-pics-with-king kong idea.

i'm not someone who opens up easily and i would be guarded unless i trust you.. which explains why i only tell bonnie and jo some stuff this year. so when i actually tell you what i think, i really think highly of the friendship. wahhh, haha, so honoured yeah?

and i like having catching-up sessions with people and i'll actually try to squeeze in time for them. people that i haven't met for ages or people though i see them everyday, i dun get to talk to them, just hi and bye all the time :(

but i need a break from all the buzz n actually getting down to work. terms are half a month away and to my parents, it's you show the grades or you die. stress. sigh. die. blah.

haha. i feel loved today despite being single..

ahh back. i just got scolded for being on the computer all the time, neglecting my studies (dun that happen all the time)

valentines in school been quite a breeze. barely no lessons. haha. love is in the air. history was hilarious. free stand-up comedy. 40minutes of pure laughter.

well, jo and i have a nickname for someone: parrot.. some of you will know who he/she is.

valentines just remind me of this song .. shall dedicate to all my readers (:

MLTR- Take me to your heart

Hiding from the rain and snow
Trying to forget but I won't let go
Looking at a crowded street
Listening to my own heart beat

So many people all around the world
Tell me where do I find someone like you girl

(Chorus)
Take me to your heart take me to your soul
Give me your hand before I'm old
Show me what love is - haven't got a clue
Show me that wonders can be true

They say nothing lasts forever
We're only here today
Love is now or never
Bring me far away

Take me to your heart take me to your soul
Give me your hand and hold me
Show me what love is - be my guiding star
It's easy take me to your heart

Standing on a mountain high
Looking at the moon through a clear blue sky
I should go and see some friends
But they don't really comprehend

Don't need too much talking without saying anything
All I need is someone who makes me wanna sing
(Chorus)

i can be a sucker for ballads and love songs and MLTR is ultimate classic. it's what you hear when you are in primary school and you still love it now. as compared to BSB or westlife or A1. to think i was an a crazy a1 fan. sigh.

every jc2 (especially) in ac has the same sentiments: i never knew fun-o-rama was so much work. i want to be the one paying to eat and play in fun-o-rama.

sigh. but too bad. no such hopes.

i was just reading huat's blog about how their class abort the idea of a food stall. dunno the exact details, but i'm definitely thankful we managed to find good sponsors, great deals for our chocolate and fruits. haha. and hopefully m'sia mashmellows.

to think about it, i think everyone in class contributed in one way or other. calling up people hoping to get sponsors and basically just trying to keep our stalls a success. *cross fingers*

yesterday conversation with bonnie set me thinking. at first it was the whole materialistic superficial view about me and my future. the need to conform. i still take my stand. i believe that in singapore, it's not that easy to say i want a break from this competitive world, i'm gonna take a step back. do something i like and live a life of my own. but i think it's not that easy to pursue something that you like or simply just volunteering all your life. volunteering requires you to have a sum of money in hand. either you are born rich or you have to work for these money. doesn't that put you in the catagory: study so that you earn enough money for a living. hmm, i think even if you are doing something you like, say music, unless you are aware of the competive nature of life, you will just be left behind if you dont improve.
singapore is not a welfare state. damn. we can't leech off people.

i really don't think i can just say: i enjoy arts. i want to do something arts related. there's always this warning sign in me that tells me to be more realistic.
but ha. i might just follow my instincts.

and yeah, bonnie was just analysing my character. which i think was very accurate. and her analysis of jo was quite accurate as well. and yeah, i told her about her character. i suddenly realize despite only knowing each other for half a year.. as in getting close due to PW and stuff, we pretty much know each other quite well and have learnt to accomodate and compromise.

yeah and so it was really quite future-focussed. then out of the blue, bonnie asked me to check out this girl's blog. and another revelation.

what's this paper-chasing when you are not even sure if you are around tomorrow? it is a bit morbid and sometimes you think why do such things happen to people. why give someone hopes and then destroy it again?
this year, i got to know many things that i dont know previously. maybe i'm less sheltered? it's the vulnerability of life. you might not see someone you are so used to seeing everyday.

ANGST! ANGST!

aish!!! ok, actually i'm feeling better now after telling bonnie about this whole long day. breathe in. breath out. i think i was very very very very patient today. i walked 4 times to dover market without snapping at anyone when i came back, despite them thinking i was walking super slowly and had to be asked to hurry up. stupid ppl. but on the fine high side, banner painting's going quite well. willy wonkis look hella hot. life-size man. it's cool to have art ppl around. moniza can really draw. her king kong is like OOOLALALA.

everyone should just patronize our stall.

fundraising on monday and tuesday again. we are selling ikea swedish meatballs. hmm, sometimes, i wonder why do we have to fund raise when we have 1000 to spend. please. we are gonna have like thousands of meatballs. what if they dun sell? argh. damn scared. then it's jelly hearts. another what if. like bonnie said, there's fund-raising fatigue. i have stopped walking through the canteen and cooping myself in the NL for fear of having to buy stuff.

today's pep talk for CCAAB ppl by david tan was rather insightful. for once, a meaningful pep talk. you think it's difficult to raise 750,000 bucks? it is actually really easy. singapore is owned by ac boys. many ac boys are willing to sign a cheque and ta. we get the money. but why did we go through so much to raise this sum of money? the whole point of fun o rama is to get people into AC. the human traffic. we can't possibly be patronizing stalls of our friends. we need outsiders to actually enjoy the work we placed in our stalls. the time we spent to publicize our stalls. the effort we put in calling up for sponsors. the money we contribute to get the whole two stalls moving.

personally i think that made alot of sense. i could give tickets to my sister so that she can bring her friends to enjoy themselves at fun o rama. but then i dun think they ever wanna come. so for those who are still contemplating whether to come, just come. i mean you can just not buy tickets and appear. see a game that you are really interested, then buy tickets. or simply, just share a ticket with someone. trust me, with 10 dollars, you can buy a few games. while at least you can play our game at least 3 times.
yes and i'm referring to you. you and you! lol

it's scary to just think about the effort you put in and no one comes. scary scary scary.

having a talk with bonnie regarding singapore education, conformists, business-like education and bleh, factory students.

actually i should take away the decent part. not sure how this post will go, but the 't' letter on my laptop is being an arse. you need to press so hard just to have the letter showing and 't' is such a often-used letter. ok, i'm whining....

who can tell the difference b/w australia and m'sia milo powder? esp when it's just the milo powder and the rest is sponsored milo. it will just be too sweet to know the difference. i bring some milo in a plastic countainer and you tell me the difference. don't try to be sophisticated when you are not, esp when you drink milo in school all the time and you love the milo. i'm sure the milo powder is from aust huh?

fun-o-rama really brings out the ugly sides of some people or some unseen profiles of a person is more clearly reflected in the way they do things. i'm not saying i'm an especially helpful person, but they don' seem to cooperate. i get the ipod nano at a relatively okay discounted price but no one tells me if it's confirmed they want it. and they complain to me that they are not sure if it gets delivered to us on time. but the point is that nothing is confirmed and you don't expect me to find out so much, then decides you guys don't want it?

well, at least i'm asking my uncle for trees.

hmm, i can't wait for fun-o-rama to be over and done with.. it's getting too draggy!!!

but good thing is i get to miss sch practically the whole day everyday cos we are gonna sell tickets at Singapore poly.

then we have crosscountry after that.. tiring tiring tiring.

looking forward to next week.. it should be quite slack since we are preparing for fun-o-rama..

what should i bake on v-day?

Name five of life's simple pleasures that you like most, then pick five people to do the same. Try to be original and creative and not use things that someone else has already used.

1. having nice, heart-to-heart chats with my close friends/cousins

2. knowing the things you do are being appreciated by someone

3. having accomplished something.. the sense of satisfaction

4. 1st time experience

5. short breaks when you are just so sick of school

i want bonnie, jo, zhaohan, jun and michelle to do this (:

seeyun
mgs acjc
09101988


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