'A puddle of water and a broken heart'

I realise the phrase may not seem to have the slightest ounce of relevance to love. You would be surprised at the ignorance people show in life. What is relevance to one? All we do is categorise 'things' into boxes - one would look at it and scoff, deciding it drops into 'irrelevance'.

People are so wrong, yet we are afraid to say we're sorry. Even worse - we utter it once and we can't seem to stop saying it. Overuse of the word only goes to show that we are willing to accept it as the ultimate weapon for solving problems.

I lost my chance years ago, now I can only sit on the sidelines and watch. I was ignorant. He was the dream guy. In reality I saw an average male struggling to live up to expectations and lead a normal life. I think I was still on the sidelines at that time too, but in a front row seat – I've since shifted to the back.

I was introduced as a 'friend' to his girlfriend of the time. While I could tolerate most of his partners, this one irked me from the beginning. Let's just say her female instincts were on full blast, whereas his male instincts never seemed to be in tune. I thought she was going to be like the others. At one point in life, we underestimate the power of one person.

He moped around after she left. I had a few options, but I chose to let him be for a few weeks. Originally I believed that I could pop up after he recovered and everything would be fine. We'd continue being friends, and maybe then I'd have a chance at something beyond that with her out of the picture. Little did I know.

I happily reappeared by his side, to find him healed. I was introduced as the best friend. He introduced her as the girlfriend. I understood, I would only be raised to the level of best friend. Even with her out of the picture, there would always be another one.

Disheartened, my departure was speedy from his life, much to his confusion. His girlfriends were always more sensitive than he was. She invited me out to coffee. There was no way I could refuse, because it wasn't over the phone, she confronted me face to face.

"You wanted to brag about your relationship with him?"

She merely smiled gently and shook her head.

"A puddle of water and a broken heart."

"Sorry?" I asked in confusion.

"Can you see the similarity in the two?"

I answered with my silence and ignorance.

"A puddle of water waits as does a broken heart. Someone might come along and step in the puddle; someone might decide to ignore it; someone may take a mop and gather the water up. A broken heart really waits for someone to pick up the pieces."

Her words hit me, as it dawned on me that she had picked up his broken heart. Her hard work had won his heart back. Where was I when he was recovering?

Ignorance.

muahahaha. i just came back from CNY dinner dunno-number-how-many at some restaurant. the food was normal. seriously! chinese food are so standard, esp chinese food catering to big round tables. yusheng, big pengchai thingy, duck, chicken, noodles.. it's so easily memorized. but it was fun.. the older people were karaokeing like crazy. and now i'm happy back home on my computer, with a full stomach

andre, bonnie and i went visiting at jo's place. jo lives at some really ulu-ated place. her nearest leisure is this large patch of grass. there's no houses apart from her condo. it's really the other side of singapore. talks so much of being a opposition party GRC. it's really quite bad. but i like her condo. it's so huge and comfy.

ha, then they cabbed over to my place for more bridge games. and talking sessions. at least it made CNY day 2 more interesting and memorable.

they have all watched memoirs! i want to watch it!!!! i'm whining and i don't careeeee. haha. prolly watch it with wendy pretty soon.

one more day before school starts. urgh! sucks sucks sucks. now there's nothing to look forward anymore. march holidays are dumb cos we will be studying for block exams. and yeah, that's about it. ok maybe fun-o-rama. since it's supposed to be FUN-o-rama.

scrumptious food. just came back from my reunion dinner and i enjoyed myself. my uncle can really cook. haha. good food makes a mood change. i'm feeling so hyper now. i am actually looking forward to cny. not so much about the whole festive mood. i dunno. but holidays are always worth looking forward too. esp, holidays with advantages. ehem. bigger, fatter bank account.

there's always so much i want to blog about over the past few days, but i just didn't bother to. and now i'm blank on what i should blog.

bonnie, andre, gayle and i had this really weird conversation about king kong. haha. it was ultra dirty and imaginative. we were talking about how king kong can impregnate a girl, and how the girl will split before anything happens. ok, it was hmm.. overly descriptive and definitely will not go through the censory board. i wanna watch that lee an show.. the gay couple movie, but it's for goodness sake, R21. guess pirated cds are the solution. hehe. and and, i haven't gotten the chance to watch memoirs. i really wanna catch it but it's so ex to catch it these few days. my sis watched it today and she is totally awed by the show. i think that when you read a book, you really want to watch the movie and see how characters live up to your imagination despite knowing that you might actually be disappointed.

and i had nice chats with bonnie and jo the past week. and some therapy sessions with liz. hehe.

i am actually enjoying sch.. being really optimistic about it. although there are pissifying moments attacking you one after the other, but at the end of the day, it's a one fine day and life goes on. i am actually enjoying econs now.. like AT LAST! and integration is bearable. history sbqs and NAR are quite interesting and chinese.. haha, as usual, slack. yeah, i guess the stress level is still pretty low. and work hasn't piled up yet. or should i be proud of myself and say i've been doing tutorials. YAY!

ok, such a boring entry. sigh. bye. happy chinese new year.

i was just re-reading some of my recent entries and one similarity: filled with angst, sarcarsm and irritation. it's either things haven't been going my way or i'm just worrying too much.

but i'm feeling rather relaxed right now.. into the CNY festive holiday mood. i can't wait for thursday to be over and done with.. then it's fri.. celebrations, then CNY eve, then hongbaos and new clothes and good food. and wendy will be back on fri. wanna hear about her trip and of course, pictures.

i can't wait for fun-0-rama now that i managed to sell some tickets, thanks to my relatives. haha, and liz, i still need your business. lol.

i'm more involved in the games and like FINALLY we see some headstart in the games stall. think our idea is quite innovative (ok, or should i say, dolly's idea) cos there's a theme to our game instead of some boring, pasar malam game stall. haha.

but the working in the committee can be quite pressurizing cos we have two loggerheads. they are like oil and water, and ironically their names look pretty similar. can feel the tension when we are discussing.. talk about the actual work.
bonnie, jo (i think she's with us) and I are gonna be buying some weapons. haha. so fun. ok, i'm high thinking about the game. i want to try the game out.

math time assigment: 3-D trigo and numerical methods. kill me.

time to update before i ditch him.
alot of thoughts were actually racing through my condensed head but i just couldn't find time or energy or discipline to sit on the computer and write a decent entry. sch's been good. been learning quite a bit. been scared off by valarie wilson this morning when she kinda reminded us how 10 months later, we will be cut off from misery. yet, i'm thinking positive. i'm not gonna repeat the scary, sarcastic, speech she gave us cos it's like "sigh. yes we know. damn. that sounds like my mum"

but this morning, some incident just happened and i just need a corner to clear my thoughts and see how i should go about solving the issue. which i doubt it's that easy since it's bugging me for the past 2-3 years.

i never know how to communicate with her. i don't know why our relationship descend to such a horrid state. it's worse than acquatiances i meet in sch whom i say 'hi and bye' to, cos i barely talk to her. and it's not that i don't want to, it's more like i don't know how to. i've been asked to try, and yes, of cos i tried. i've been trying for the past 3 years, but things just remained stale. whenever, i tried talking to her, she'd give me this scowl or un-interested look like i'm some asshole and she should not waste her time talking to me. and even if i dig in further and ask more questions, she'll irritably answer a one-word question. it gets fucking irritating but i just let the whole matter simmer and try again. i am still trying but i think i've reached the bottleneck. i am now so confused of who she is despite her being someone really close to me. i don't know how she's doing, i don't know what she wants to do, i don't know where are her futures, and even if i know, i know it from a secondary source, from them who will just leak in some news for me. but i don't understand: why can't she just open up and talk to me? it's not that hard considering people talk to me in sch, i talk to people in school. i can even start a conversation with a stranger, but why can't i make her talk to me?

she never initiates, i always did. the other she has been asking me why this happen. and i really don't know. i REALLY don't know. i'm ignorant and not because i chose to be, because i can't help it. maybe if she can tell me why, things would be better.

but today something made me almost flared up when she was so rude to T. she doesn't seem to appreciate what T has been doing for us and how much she has sacrificed for us. yes, she can talks to T pretty decently, but she always has this wall around her that even T has to think of ways just to please her. everyone just feels so pressured around her. and i don't freaking understand why? she is so young. she is supposed to be the listening party and not the commander. that's why i was so mad cos she just don't seem appreciative. maybe i'm not the kind who would treat her as a princess, could that be a reason?

sometimes relationships with friends are so much harder to deal with than intimate relationships.

i was talking to liz about her and as well as our outlooks and problems faced with friends/acquantiances.
i like what liz said about how everyone should move on instead of staying in their mg days. mg days, were the days of the past. very enjoyable but un-real as we were so un-exposed. so, if we cling on to the belief that all of us are still sec4s, there'll be no end to it.
i love talking to liz and yeah, despite us being in different schools and having our different bunch of friends, when we meet, we still have an endless fray of topics to attack. and we are not the kind of friend who talks on msn.. we often seem stuck when we are on msn huh? but when we meet for dinners, the conversations just keep coming and i'm very glad that you are the bestest friend and closest confidant in our clique.
yup, i totally love it when you said that i can come and talk to you whenever i'm troubled as you will still be the same liz.
truthfully i know you've changed and i've changed as well. but it's really fortunate that despite all these, when we meet each other, we are still the sitting partners in 4a2 and we remain sec4-likes with more matured and ehemuglyehem language.

i'd say i'm not a someone trying-hard-to-be-nice. definitely, i'd like most people to see the sweet, gentle, loving, understanding side of seeyun. but i always think that sweetness brings u that far.. if you continue to be nice and loving, you will just to tiring yourself and worse off, you'll be seen as fake by some people.
sometimes, it's just so hard to be the 'perfect person' you hope people can perceive you as. and i'm sure everyone strives to be the popular person. but for me, i'd just like to be myself. self-centred: me. myself and I.
i admit i can curse quite abit and i know some people in my class simply can't stand it. and like what liz said yesterday, and "i'll purposedly curse in front of her". nah, i don't think i'm that evil and i dont curse aloud a lot.
and i know i can be quite critical in the way i see people. i know it's my flaw. i'm trying to change. trying to tone down and be less caustic.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

alritey, should stop talking about myself. anyway, we got to meet our junior class. it's such a small class of 17 and we gotta share junior class with ahblue. hmm, i'm not exactly happy about it: 56:17. do you own calculation. and we can just imagine how it's gonna be monopolized and maybe the rest of us can take the randoms. it's so easy to see the divide: the enthu ppl who can't wait to have a party with the blues and the indifferent ones who just wait for the randoms. so as much as i like the j1s, i'm not looking forward for the 1st SJI.
oh oh oh.. the very hot mixed st margs girl is in my junior class. she's really pretty, but not sure abt personality though..

haha, it's hilarious btw to hear my og mates complaining about how their class is practically swarmed by foreigners. haha. it's very sad lar. but to be honest, most sci best classes are like that. it's like the 'duh' thing. but i supposed it shouldnt be that bad cos scholars ain't that bad afterall. i haven't been in a class with lots of scholars so i can't comment. but haha, they are really good study motivators. period. and there's a sconer in my og. hmm, but their combi is so different from the tradition sconers.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

talking about scholars, yeah he was nice to call me just now to apologize for not being able to attend the welcome party (yes i insist in calling it a party, instead of welcome tea. so what?)
but what's done is done. you can't just tell me you're sorry and expect nothing to happen. and i'm not the one to make the decisions. the two teacher i/cs are pissed so i supp.. good luck?

today's welcome party was so overwhelming. 70 people interested and signed up??!?!!? i tried scaring them with the commitment, don't treat it as a crutch, we are the most active club around. haha, but it just didn't work. damn it. it's scary to be in charge of 70 people. oh well, i'm sure ppl will start streaming out once their sports ccas are finalized. *cross fingers*. i just want about 30 active members and i'm more than ecstatic

You scored as Psychology. You should be a Psychology major! Psychology 83% Journalism 83% Sociology 75% Philosophy 67% Theater 67% Engineering 58% Anthropology 58% English 58% Linguistics 50% Dance 42% Biology 42% Art 42% Mathematics 33% Chemistry 8% What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3) created with QuizFarm.com

my life has been so mundane and routinal. wake up. school. home. wake up. school. home. and the cycle repeats itself.

well, but to think on the bright side, sch's been a great place for entertainment. like bimbotic, bitchy, retarded, mindless, airheads kind of enjoyment. sigh. who are the friends i know man? lol..

i need to lament. my friends have been bullying me. child abuse. big bullies. i protest. i am not a pushover. put to jail. yes, ha. 1st you guys went to eat chocolate fondue w/o me then you guys criticize my bag/sweater/pencil case. !@$#%^%$$ haha, but we must eat fondue on fri man. please???? anw, back to these peeps, we have such a fun time during PE today. wah. for the 1st time. we spent most of it picking up 'balls' and laughing till our sides and chest hurts.

now i need to rant. i think my writing style really sucks these days. and i'm sorry. i can help it. some people just pissify me.

it is such a drag that i got to spoonfeed someone of the same intellectual level, same age as me. it's so irritating how i got to tell her what to do STEP BY STEP like literally. and she'll ask me questions. not all at one go. but one qn for every sms. what a bloody waste of sms lah. the worst: she expects people to reply promptly to her smses but she seldom replies to mine, so i'm often unsure whether i've sent the sms to her or have she done the things told of her to do. WAH. (ok, seeyun shan't curse. thinking about it just makes my blood boil). today, i sms-ed her regarding how her preparation was going and she never reply me. LIKE don't care. don't bother about me. luckily her class was pretty near mine and i managed to get hold of her.

and now i understand why she did not make it into most interviews she went for. 1st council then ogl. she prepares for all the interviews but never seem to go through most of it, esp those requiring of leadership. but to think how she had to be guided throughout gave enough evidence on how she would lead. she's the class president and she tries very hard to be a good one. but the thing is, her class is still.. hmm. i think her class tends to find her irritating sometimes cos she tries too hard to be an angel.

and it's really sad that she is my good friend. she is good as a friend, but definitely needs improvement as a workmate. and i am torn on how to advise her because i don't want to come across as overly empowering and yeah, throwing my authority around. afterall, she is in my close clique of friends. therefore it is not very nice.
G says that she has changed a lot six months ago. i did not believe her. cos either i was still indifferent or i'm just ignorant. today if you asked if she changed, yes is my answer. i think it's more than just a physical change but more of a change in the way she thinks and how she acts.

haha. huat, i shall be an angel and shan't say no more. yes, i admit i'm speaking ill behind her back. but if i am given the choice and i've carefully analyze the pros and cons of confronting her, i would have just advised her that i'm quite unhappy.
(like how i voiced out regarding ed board meeting to bonnie and we are friends now? hmm, are we? considering you always bully me. HUH?)

i'm not someone who holds grudges. maybe after today, when everything's cool and back to normal, i would regret posting this entry

i should not tell her because:
-she is my very good friend
-she would think that i shouldn't be doing that to her since i'm a good friend
-it is just another 6 months i should just bear with it
-she still contributes in a way or two

i should tell her because:
-since we work as a team, there should be some kind of efficiency and assurance in a team
-she should be more sensitive towards people

oh well. mind bogging.. i should just go and work on hist tutorials.

yeah i know i have a stupid password. at least you guys can remember!

this weekend had been quite stay-home, doing some homework, stoning, reading (trash and non-trash), keeping in touch with peeps.

and i come to a conclusion.. (ok, sorry, this is gonna be random but it's insightful. huh!)
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
the world is really small. everyone's lives are intertwined in such a way that you can be so egoistic to say that the world revolves around you and you are the queen of the universe.
it's scary how everyone will know everyone and by coincidence, your A group of friends will know your B's group of friends' friend.. yeah, you get what i mean.

and it's quite freaky how people in sch esp can get hold of my number. randoms called me to ask about school stuff and i was wth. how did you get my number?

thus some privacy need to be kept. i need my space.

yeah, another realization was quite inspiring. ha. i think maybe all of us should just sit down and ponder how lucky we are. at least for me, i feel that i am so blessed that i take things for granted.

not like my parents shower me with gifts every now and then or i'm so well-to-do that i have a driver to chuffeur me around or i'm such a genius that i can get through all exams without studying. that'd be most people's definition of happiness and blessing. and for me, yeah, most of the time, i'd think this way.

but i was just reading some inspiration stories and not that it had a tremendous impact on me.. like how this angel bulb in my brain lights up, but it sets me thinking.

i have been very sheltered throughout my 17 years of life. i haven't gone through any major accidents or events and even if i met with something serious, it would always be cushioned by my parents or simply by external factors. pri school was like.. blurry images in my head cos i was just blindly keeping the days going. sec school was alright.. made some friends for life and hopefully the friendship remains strong even as we are scattered. mg was a school where most people are pretty innocent and lack indendence and real life skills. we certainly play alot but we never got to see the other side of singapore.

jc was supposed to be the turning point, but in acjc, we are still very sheltered and people i know are quite similar in terms of ideas, values, family backgrounds. although i see alot more people and know alot more things, but i never will get the chance to know them personally. i definitely would hope for the chance to do so, but sometimes when you don't click means you don't.

oh yeah, i think i should keep in mind that i have parents who keep me wealthy in all aspects, i have friends that just put a smile on my face, i know alot of different people who i can seek help if a problem arises, and the new batch of j1s whom i hope to get to know better.

i realized that time passed really really fast. tomorrow's the 16th and it had some significance to some people.
yeah, wen!!!! haha, you are finally getting into the working gear with your power suits. this job aint gonna be easy but try to have time to rest, yeah? well, at least you'll be going to NZ soon and that's a nice place to relax
then to aaron, peishan and hong hong, you guys are going to have so much fun in NZ. yeah, i hope aaron's sis can just give me a 7-day MC so i can fly there with them. yeah, a MC from australia huh? but it's gonna be just so fun. bungy! urgh. aaron is pretty scared since he's doing it all alone and he is afraid his fear might ruin his trip. but i'm sure bungy though scary is really really a life-time experience.

alritey, i'm going off to chinatown and get inspired by the CNY festive mood

The stage she titles home,
And the mic as her team-mate.
Sparkling eyes of hers roam,
Spotting the angel of faith.

With gentleness she sang;
With simplicity she wrote.
Her pleasant voice they rang,
As she vibrates right on note.

Climaxing was nearing;
The lights darkens in its dim.
Her angel faith he’s hearing,
Of her final words to him;

The song she dedicates.

~~~~~~
yesterday was a great fine day. the 1st day in a week that we have fine weather. but i like rain. i love rainy days when i don't have to be out getting wet. rainy days are cool days. singapore's sunny weather is way too hot for comfort sometimes.

haha, i locked my blog. though i know it's pretty easy to break in. but who would be so desperate to read my blog in the 1st place huh? i just need to sift out people so that it can remain read-able to the 'chosen' ones. (: *roll eyes*

this week is the 1st official week of j2 and well, my most terrible day of the week (no free periods and end at bloody 4.30) was a public holiday.
now, tuesday is officially the most-hated school day.

anyway, sch's been quite fine. my catching up was not that bad, except for history. 2 ih outlines for lectures and 2 ih outlines for tutorial. wth. by fri. yeah, history is a killer. people should not do history lest they have an immense interest for it. i'd just say, i don't mind history.

had an og outing yesterday. quite a failure in terms of attendance. but i PERSONALLY feel that even if an alternative date was chose, maybe 1-2 more people will join, the rest will still be indifferent? here's the analogies: the receptive og mates are nets, big holes all ready to welcome change and opening up to people, then there are the valves (the bio practicals, osmosis-diffusion things yeah?): can be welcoming sometimes as they only have small but many pores. but well, at least at least the people who went should have enjoyed each other's company. ahahaha.. my company in particular. muahahaha.

andre wasn't all too happy when we watched 'derailed' cos of the abit sex scenes and abit vulgarities. but there's a reason why the movie is nc-16 and not m18 or r21, i'm sure these guys can take it. they are only a year younger, and in some cases, a few months. but, that movie was not too bad. jennifer aniston looked a bit shagged though, but still pretty. i didn't know what the whole movie was about.. hmm. wait (i think i should talk too much about it in case i become an irritating spoiler and get dissed by some people)

jo was right. j2 makes you swear alot. i've been swearing alot more than i have in j1. must be the pressure to do well huh? but i swore not just because of school work. i've resigned to fate and just trying to finish my tutorials before any tutorial classes (my 2006 resolution.. been keeping to it so far). but it's more of the social sphere that gets my swearing. we are j2s, going to be 18. have abit of responsibility or simply a sense of initiative. you are assigned to a job/role and you know you are supp to perform it, so stop telling me you can't make it cos it's just very fucking irritating for everyone to work around your schedule. you should not be an over-achiever in the first place when you know you definitely cannot handle it. you cannot be in 3 places at one time lest you have clones. apparently you dont have so i rarely see you around during meetings and that just piss everyone off cos you take your job so lightly. WTF.

yeah, i know relax. but this rage and angst been building up in my body for more than 6 months. i've endured long enough and enough's enough. i've been just forgetting him as a part of us. and honestly, it's faster and more efficient working with the current team than with the extra him though he could be a helper. oh more of a destructor.
and i dont give a damn if he ever chance upon my blog and i subconciously hope he'll and see how much trouble he gives to not just me.. but the other members and the teachers. let's see if he can make it on next wed. let's just sit around and see.

who the hell has three CCAs and hold positions in all three of them.

seeyun is not a saint. seeyun needs to swear. or seeyun will saturate and split. but that doesn't make seeyun a sinful girl. =p

last year, liz and i were secret agents of FBI, prying out information of our dear friends. and we are never out of job due to our high effieciency and tact. and well, we still managed to keep the information we know much of a secret, but for some reason, it just leaked.

last night, jo and i had a un-glam version of FBI agents. no sunglasses, no black leather trenchcoat, no walkie-talkie, just the msn and the internet. should be call ourselves the president and c0-pres for KPC? we were just randomly doing some stupid things, disgusting ourselves, giving ourselves un-needed goosebumps, but it was all fun. we further consolidated our point of view of some people.
to be in jo words, some people can just be "taken in small doses"
and silly me kept scrolling down and reading more, just for the sense of 'satisfaction' that my impression of it was right all along.

maybe bonnie can join us one day and we can be the threesome awesome presidents of KPC (that sounds wrong :p)

so yesterday officially marks the end of fun and joy and the beginning of school,exams,stress.

well, but i just have to say that i simply love my og mates. they are indeed a fantastic bunch of kids to work with and to have fun with. they are so sweet. haha. they just make my day. =) =) =) *jumping around the house* (get what you mean by high?)

often when you went through a chapter in life, you would associate it with the "best you ever had" or the "worst ever". similarly in my 1 year of school in acjc, i had many high, worth reminiscing moments. first was orientation06, then Bintan, then CCAAB, and now orientation06. one proved more fabulous than the other.

I would say orientation06 would be the main highlight of my 2 years in JC even if you were to ask me 12 months from now, probably because there's nothing to look forward for the next few months

i would believe every OGL would write a totally different account on their experience in orientation and i believe andre would have something different as well, despite us being in skellington. he's more into the games and ra-ra-ing and motivating the kids, but me.. haha. what did i do? well, i think it's not so much of me thinking about what i have done, but for others to say how I fared. but one thing i know i was super bad in was dancing. yeah, never hear of a two-left-feet girl teaching dance steps, yeah?

looking at those bubbly J1s in my OG, it definitely reminded me of the apprehesive period in my J1 life as well. although i chose RJ as my 1st choice, i regretted it and i was just praying that I didn't get in. and duh, i didn't. but it was mixed feelings as you hear so much about ACJC and they are all negative.

But i love orientation and that was a major turning point that changed my mindset.

some of them in my OG are smart peeps, yeah, so it again reminded me of how after getting back my results and faring well enough to get into RJ/HC arts course, i just refused to conform to my parents' wishes. and it's like that all the time
-i went to MG instead of RG
-i really wanted to do arts instead of sci since i was in sec3 and thus, i really did not pay much attention during science subjects which i realized was such a waste. but at the same time, i know i would be made to do science if i get my 1s. (life is full of contradictions)
-yeah, and i chose back AC instead of RJ based on my big fish small pond/small fish big pond.

but honestly, the pond is not that small and i don't think i'm that a big fish, cos i'm lazy. bad habit that ought to be changed ASAP!!!
yet, i was given a lot more opportunities that i could have attained in another JC apart from academics.
besides why should i travel so far, changing two buses to get home when AC is just 3 bus-stops away/walking distance? i would still stick to my ideology like how i did in sec1. and i think the only way to prove it is to show it on paper. literally.

but then again (if the og mates are ever reading this) I think different people have different ideals. you see how so many people try to appeal to top JCs, just for the fame of it. my cousin said this to me when i was choosing my JCs, that prestige in work life counts. i agree to it but i don't think that AC has that bad a prestige and yes, of course, not forgetting, seeyun's ideology.

like i said to joyce, "i love AC, but i hate JC". ACJC should not be in the same sentence.

~~~~~~~

i realized that the way i blog is really. tsk. tsk. tsk.

i write whatever that comes in mind. I think my brain doesnt work in compartments, i bet my brain is like this string of viens that are all knotted up and waiting to be un-tangled. i can link things up even if they have the slightest connection

~~~~~~~

alritey, back to reading ECO-SOLO. cramming again (there i go again. what a vicious cycle)

Brooding clouds speed on hidden wings
Bear the pain and sorrow swift on the winds
Thunder whips and cracks on shattered dreams
Life sways and turns on a single whim
Howling gales scream and weep
Choice of the child falls into the deep
Crimson sheets fall from Mother Sky
Single word from bleeding lips: Why?

=================================

Single shriek glides on silent wind
Sorrow echoes, fade and dim
Darkness covered with sheets of white
Hark, the baying of wolves in the night!
Son of shadow cloaked in robes of light
Evil hidden is not evil wiped
Scars seared on blighted flesh
Blood seeps through wire mesh
Death rides on swiftest steeds
Bringing news of a fallen weed
Sands of time flow and shift
But scars of time fail to fade and ease...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

before i slept last night, a blot of inspiration kept me awake longer as I just have to write it down before i forget the next morning. (which explains why i slept so late last night)

inspiration before you sleep huh?

Aaron and I touched on this 'creative thinking before you sleep" topic before. haha. and he was telling me how Albert Einstein used to come out with all his creative/innovative ideas before he sleeps. haha, maybe i can be a next inventor or great entrepreneur, with strong hopes on my before-dozing-off ideas. btw, i still think my "too much for a 26" was fabulous. =p

on a slightly random note, i kinda regret not studying hard for Amath during my sec days. AHH. regret. i hate regretting about something. It just makes you so fustrated knowing that you cannot turn back time. How i wish i was back in sec4 and really mugging for math. I kinda realized how important math was and how easy it is to score if you practice hard enough for As. but this comes with commitment and motivation. often i feel so tired and irritated after doing a few questions because I don't understand and don't know how to go about answering a question. and all my concepts are surface-based. In all my math exams, i never had a question that i scored full-marks for... seriously. i either managed to just passed/just failed by picking up marks from random places. THIS REALLY GOT TO CHANGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sometimes i feel that my A level subjects are so redundant especially my more Arts subj unless i major in it. a major in history?!?! huh. and be a history teacher?!? huh.huh. teaching is definitely not my cup of tea. I can just imagine myself scolding my students for being so stupid. so i suppose i've to work infinity times hard for econs and math this year. urgh. and hopefully pull my borderline grades to a decent passing grade.

A levels just seem to real despite all the fun I had in OG camp. because OG camp just reminds you that you are a OGL, you are a J2, in 11 months time, you'll be doing your A levels, and A levels determine you float or drown, A levels basically determine your future (A level cert is freaking useless without a degree and you get no where with a O level cert).

WoW! and great, i just scared myself.

OG Camp was really fun. at least i think i've made a good impression. don't i always do? muahahaha. well, my OG, skellington is a fun bunch of peeps to be with. they are guai aka not rowdy so it gets things running so much faster. YAY! maybe they are not. i'm not sure. but let's hope they continue their good behaviour for the next two days. well, i don't mind them sabo-ing me, but don't go running around like monkeys on the loose.

I think i'm such a mother or to put it in better words, sister. eh, i'm kinda protective of people younger than me. like their welfare, etc *blushes* the most recent incident was how i was so angry with my sis for getting lost in myer, australia. my sis. urgh. haha, i always think ppl younger than me have no common sense. and to think that my sis is already 15, i can trust her. but. haha. erm. NO! sometimes she just doesn't know how to look after herself. when she was found again, i was so angry that i blasted at her.. i think i used some profanity and more in my head. lol. and btw, i cried as well.

yeah, but my OG group is hmm.. so far so good. looking forward to the next two days. yuppie

KYOFU!!

orientation was fun overall despite all the hectic preparations, but looking at the faces on the j1s, it was worth it. and we get to play, so double-worth-it. but i always come back feeling so quiet and empty cos the atmosphere in the college was really great and loud.

i came back yesterday feeling hella tired. and there were still stuff to do at home. i was slacking around until i realized i had my contact list to do. and i was feeling super sleepy already (first time i woke up in 2 months and the sky is still dark and i had to be in school by 6.15). yeah, so i did my contact list. happily typing them out. then, horror. trouble. shitty. yucky. i forgot to save the list. i'm like FUCK! we need it by tomorrow. *vulgarities* but i still managed to do another one and although all the numbers look like a string of weirdies, i only make 1 mistake. prove that my math is still not that bad. or should i say, improving. hahahahaha. getting better with numbers. *ego*

YAY! we have finally changed back to arts econs lecture group. finally lesser graphs and more examples. hopefully, that is sufficient to pull up my econs grades. bleh.

just a song before i go. LIZ, i still want to go to the concert if i can

Franz Ferdinand -I am Your Villian

You toss in a word
I'm your villain
I see the passion emerged
I'm your villain
But serious
You're so serious
Like a waiter
Hating the rich
But taking their tips

If I could laugh, I'd love you
If I could smile at anything you said
We could be laughing lovers I
think you prefer to be miserable instead
If I could love, I'd love you
If I could love like anybody else

I know what I am
I'm your villain
I don't give a damn
I'm your villain
Because serious
You're so serious
But I got ready salted
Ready on your belly
If you wanna have fun

See you later

Your presence is a present to the world.
You are unique and one of a kind.
Your life can be what you want it to be.
Take the days just one at a time.

Count your blessings, not your troubles.
You will make it through whatever comes along.
Within you are so many answers.
Understand, have courage, be strong.

Do not put limits on yourself.
So many dreams are waiting to be realized.
Decisions are too important to leave to chance.
Reach for your peak, your goal and you prize.

Nothing wastes more energy than worrying.
The longer one carries a problem the heavier it gets.
Do not take things too seriously.
Live a life of serenity, not a life of regrets.

Remember that a little love goes a long way.
Remember that a lot ... goes forever.
Remember that friendship is a wise investment.
Life's treasure are people together.

Realize that it is never too late.
Do ordinary things in an extraordinary way.
Have hearth and hope and happiness.
Take the time to wish upon a start.

AND DO NOT EVER FORGET ...
FOR EVEN A DAY
HOW VERY SPECIAL YOU ARE !

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

nice way to welcome 2006 buddy to my blog =)

seeyun
mgs acjc
09101988


andre aisyah bonnie chun huat debo gayle gerrad inez jem jo jo's lj jun liane lucas max mich tung ruth shawn shellz yanyun yuenkay zhaohan z-degrees indiesurfer regnyouth sandy's music




February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007



layout: +
fonts: +
brushes: + +
image: +