Sunday, April 17, 2005 @5:29 PM
By some korean writer
Translated by Sonic1004
I....Love....a... guy....
But....He...is....not... by my side....anymore....
I loved... him...
I.... really loved him..
He’s....not in.... this world now....:..:
A Doll's Dream :..: I
My age is twenty two..I have a friend who grew up with me for 20 years and also a boyfriend...
He's name is Jun Jin...
.I always thought him..as a friend
until.....last winter.....
when we went to a trip from a club
Before that winter was over, I took a step and confessed my love to him..
And...
we became a pair of lovers.
.....but...
He and I loved each other in different ways.....
I always concentrated on him but by his side,there was so many other girls. To me he was the only one and to him I was just another person
"Jin...Do you want to go watch of a movie...?"
"I can’t..."
"Why...?Do you need to study at home?"
"No. I’m going to meeting....."
"........mee....ting......?Again?"
"......yeah.....It’s alright, right...?"
"Ah Yeah.."
He... was always like that...
He met girls in front of me....
like it was nothing...
To him...I was just a girlfriend...
The word love.....came out only from my mouth...
He never said that he loves...me
To us....Their wasn’t any anniversaries.
He never said anything starting from the first day.....
and it continued.....for
...100days
...200 days...
Just handed me a little doll everyday before we say bye for a pity...
"Bye...now..."
"Don’t worry about me and just go wash your feet and sleep.. "
"............Um....Jin...."
"..What.....don’t drag and just say it.."
"I...love....you..."
"......you......um......just take this and go in..."
That’s how he ignored my confession and handed me the doll...
Then he disappeared like he was running away.....
The dolls I received from him everyday filled my room...one by one...
and another day came. It was my twenty second birthday. When I got up in the morning. I pictured a party with him and stranded myself in the room waiting for his call..
But lunch passed...
dinner passed....
and until a dark night came.
he didn’t call. It was already tiring to look at the phone. Around 2 in the morning... He called and told me to come outside of the house.
I still felt joy and ran outside...
"Jin~"
"....Here...."
He, again, handed me a little doll...
"What’s...this...?"
"I didn’t give you one today. I’m leaving~"
"...wai.....wait...!!Do you.....know....what today was..?"
"...Today...?Hm...."
I felt absurd.
I thought he would remember at least my birthday. He turned around and walked away like nothing happened....
"Wait!!!"
"..What?...You have something to say...?"
"Tell me....you...love me..."
"....What...?"
"TELL ME!!!"
I put my pathetic mind behind and clung to him. But he just said simple.....cold....words and left...
"I don’t want to say....I love someone....that easily. If you’re desperate to hear those....then find someone else...."
My legs...felt numb....and collapsed down on the ground...He...didn’t want to say it easily..
How....could....he say.... that so easily....I felt that.....He...maybe...a guy.... that’s not right for me...:..
: A Doll’s Dream :..: II
After that day, I stopped calling him and stranded myself home, just crying...
He...didn’t....give a call.....and.....I was...waiting for it....
Just a little doll outside of my house every morning..
That’s how those dolls piled up in my room everyday.
After a month, I got myself together and went to sch
But I saw him on a street.....
With another girl picking out a doll....
He had.....a smile....on his face...
which he...never....showed it...to me before....
as he....touched the dolls....
I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my room....
Tears....fell.....Why did he give these to me
Those areprobably picked out by some other girls....
By my anger, I threw those dolls everywhere....
Then...the phone...rang.......it was him.....
He told me to come out to the bus stop...
I calmed myself down for the last timeand walked towards to the bus stop...And kept reminding myself...
That...I’m going to forget about him...that...it’s going...to end....He came...into my sight....He was holding....a big...doll...today....
"Aul~I thought you were pissed"
"You really came?"
I couldn’t help hating him...acting like...nothing happened as he joked around...
Soon, He held out the doll as usual.
"This is....the last..."
"I don’t need it..."
"....What...?"
I grabbed the doll from him and threw it on the road...
"I don’t need this doll....I don’t need it anymore. I really.....don’t want to see a person like you..."
I....spitted out all the words....that were inside of me...
But....unlike other days....his eyes....were shaking..."I’m sorry..."Jin apologized in a tiny voice and walked over to the doll to pick it up
"You stupid!Why are you picking that up!Just throw it away!!!!"
But...Jin ignored me...and went to pick up the doll...
Then...
Honk~....
With a loud honk..
A big truck was heading towards Jin....
"JIN AH! MOVE!!"
But Like a deaf person, Jin squatted down and picked up the doll...
"JUN JIN, MOVE!!MOVE!!!"
H-O-N-K------------------...DUSH!!..
That’s how he went away from me...
That’s how....he went away from me...without opening his eyes....without.....saying a one word to me...
After that day...I had to go through....every day...with guiltiness.....and sadness.....of...losing him....
And after spending 2 months...like a crazy person...In my eyes...those dolls from him....came in...Those dolls...that I couldn’t...even look at.....
Only gift.....that he left me....since....we started to....go out...I...remembered the days I spent with him...and started to count the days....during we loved each other...
"One......two........three......."That’s how....I started to count...the dolls....without noticing that the night was going by....
"Four hundred...eighty..one.........four hundred eighty.......two....................four hundred eighty.....three.........four hundred eighty..four......four hundred..eighty...five..."
Ending with 485...the dolls were all gone..I started to cry...with the dolls....in my arms..
Then...suddenly..
"I love you~ I love you~"
I dropped the dolls...shocked......I...lo...ve you...?
I..picked up the doll...carefully and pressed....it’s stomach...
"I love you~ I love you~ "
....It....can’t be..........I......pressed all the doll’s stomach....Ipiled up on the side...
"I love you~ I love...."
"I love you..."
"I love you..."
Those words....came out....nonstop....I....love.... you...Why..didn’t I realize thathis heart was always protecting me by my side....that....he.... loves....me....this much...I....took out the box under....the bed like a crazy person...
The last.....doll with blood stains....left by Jin....
I carefully picked up the doll...and pressed...it’s stomach....
And....the voice came out....was....his voice.....that I was missing.....so much.....
"ChaeYun Ah....Do you.... know what....today is....? We’ve been loving each otherfor...........486 days.....Do you know.....what 486 is.....?..........um........I couldn’t say.....that I love.....you.....since I was so shy....If you.....take this doll.....then.....I’ll say....that I love you.....till I die...ChaeYun Ah..............I love you......~"
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He....can't.....be....by my side...but......he.....loved....me.....until....his last minute....For that.......and for that reason to me.....it became a courage....to...live a beautiful....life...
A Doll’s Dream -The end-
I know it's super drama, but i find it a great story. *sniff**cries*