Politics summed up
Lil' Johnny goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way. I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Mommy is the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you The People. The nanny, well, consider her The Working Class. Your baby brother, we'll call him The Future. Now go think about this and see if it makes sense." So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying and runs to his room only to find that his diapers are very soiled. So the little boy goes to his parents' room. Mom is sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he looks through the peephole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand what politics is now." "Good son, tell me in your own words then what politics are." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep sh*t."
I bet I can gross you out
Two men are sitting around drinking. One guys says to the other, "I bet I could gross you out right now" The other guy says, "No way you could gross me out, whatever you do I could top" So the first guy looks at the second guy and sticks his fingers down his throat and vomits all over the table. The second guy looks at him and says " Nice Try ", and pulls out a straw....
wth.. this is hell gross. urgh.. face turning green
blondes will always be blondes.. lol
There were a blonde and a brunette watching the 6 o'clock news. On the television they saw a man standing on top of a tall building about to jump off. The brunette then takes out 20 dollars and puts it on the table and says "I bet you 20 dollars that he's going to jump off the building." The blonde thinking he wouldn't said "Okay I bet 20 dollars that he won't jump off."A few minutes later the man jumps and falls off the building to his death. The blonde then handed the money to the brunette but the brunette felt bad so said to the blonde "I'm sorry I can't take your money. I watched the 5 o'clock news earlier and knew he was going to jump already."The blonde then looks back at the brunette and replies "Yeah I saw the 5 o'clock news too. I just thought that he wouldn't do it again twice."
How do you keep a blonde busy? (see below)
How do you keep a blonde busy? (see above)
White, purple, black
After the wedding, the couple went on their honeymoon. The wife didn't want to get pregnant, so she told her husband to go buy a condom and come back soon. So the husband went to a shop and asked for a condom. There was a white one (15 cent), a black one(20 cent) and a purple one(25 cent). The husband only had 20cent on him, so he bought the black one.While the wife was waiting for her husband to return, an African-American robber broke into the hotel room. She thought it was her husband, so she dragged him in bed and they did the dirty things. Then the African-American robber left.When the husband got back, he did the dirty things with his wife.
+2 YEARS LATER+
Kid: Daddy, why am I black and you're white?Dad: For 5 cents more, YOU WOULD OF BEEN PURPLE!!
2 Asian men..
A bus stops and two Asian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but she listens in horror as one of the men says the following:"Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, dey come together. I come again. Two asses, dey come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a more."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, cool down lady," said the man. "I'm just telling my friend how to spell Mississippi."
extras.. (:
